Okay so this is the laziest of lazy-ass ways to add to my blog today, but sometimes you just have to bow and offer up the stage to someone with a good story. I was sent the following tale today, apparently posted up here in response to the question: what’s the worst job you’ve ever had? Whoever this guy is, he has my sympathies: I thought my summer working as a postman was bad…
Without further ado:
“I had a sucession of crap jobs as a kid mainly to fun my weed habit. Did the usual paper rounds etc but in a dope induced year out I some how got a job at a local bacon factory. This place really was the seventh circle of hell. It reeked of death and shit and all the other workers were like some Mike Leigh/Ken Loach nightmares. As if all this wasnt bad enough my actual job was to stand in line on a conveyor belt for 8 hours at a time wearing a white boiler suit holding a mecanised circular razor (looked like a magnifying glass) whilst sides of pork wizzed past. My role was to grab the mobile pork and shave of its nipples at a frantic pace which caused them to ping off in all directions often into my eyes and mouth – kind of like Pac-man but with cold dead pig tits. This went on for an entire summer, however I still eat bacon.”
The strange this is that when I read “cold, dead pig tits” I imagined it in Charlton Heston’s accent. The line he’s been waiting for all his life, perhaps?
Puerile, I know. Childish. I promise less dead pig appendages in future. Interesting question though: anyone else got bad jobs in their past that would make for entertaining stories?