The Boiled Egg of Infinity

One of my Christmas presents was a book called 2005: Blogged – Dispatches from the blogosphere. Basically a collection of posts from various blogs, put together in anthology form to create a review of the year, the book collects some fine writing from various sources and is a brilliant read. As I work my way through it I’m constantly amazed at the level of sheer talent out there: expect my list of blogs to the right to undergo some serious expansion in the days to come. If you have time and are so minded, I’d recommend you check it out…and this time, at least, the alien didn’t do it.

I’m just about to the end of a book called “Judas Unchained”, the second part of Peter F Hamilton’s epic “Commonwealth Saga”. Almost two thousand pages, five or six main story threads running concurrently and a nicely building mystery about to be solved…and I spoil it for myself.

There I was in bed (steady now) reading and I put the book down for a moment. This being my luck we’re talking about here the damn thing slipped and fell open at a crucial page and before I could stop myself, I had read a big spoiler. Seriously, if I were Martin Sheen I’d be calling it a yeeeuuuge spoiler. Then I couldn’t stop myself – I read the whole page and pretty much gutted the aforementioned mystery that I just spent 1500 pages getting into.

Damn my internal spoiler addict. Damn you to hell!

Tonight, I’m going to try something new with my blog. Instead of the usual rants, whines, shouts and moans, I’m going to try to use it as a means to introduce something into my life. One of my main regrets about 2005 was that I felt I didn’t learn enough. I didn’t feel that at any point in the year I had really pushed myself or extended my boundaries in any meaningful direction. Well, enough’s enough – this year I want to try something new. I want a new hobby.

That’s where you come in – I want any readers I might have to suggest hobbies or pastimes from their own experiences and I will pick one to try out. One simple requirement: that it be something you have enjoyed, and that it be something that won’t cost me the earth to try out (okay, two simple requirements, but hey it’s my blog and I’ll miscount if I want to). Sorry if that pisses off any international playboys or dotcom millionaires that might check this blog out, but I’m a boy on a budget and I got me a wedding to pay for later in the year, so I can’t suddenly splash out on a jetski, a fighter jet or an account at a high-price casino.

So what do you do to enjoy your free time? What would you pass on to me as an enjoyable hobby? I’m open to any suggestions: I promise that whatever I pick, I’ll give it a try. If you’re feeling generous, then pass this request on to anyone you think might be interested. Carry it in your own blogs. Devote some keystrokes to finding me a new hobby and expanding my horizons. Show me the wider world that’s out there, and prove to me it’s filled with kind people willing to help!

Oh, and try to make whatever you suggest legal. Okay, so it was three requirements in total at the end of the day. Don’t suggest that I take up maths class.

It’s a busy time of it at work right now. It’s never quiet but for various reasons right now it’s so busy I’m starting to think I’ve slipped through some kind of dimensional tear and ended up in a West Wing universe where constant calls, emails and meetings conducted on the fly are the order of the day. The only things that are missing are the nice offices and Martin Sheen doing a good line in cool quotes and tough looks off camera.

That said, I never realised quite how busy things had got until yesterday when, just before the building closed, I checked my answerphone to be told by the electronic voice that I had “One…hundred…new messages.” That’ll teach me to let my voicemail catch my calls for a couple of days while I work through my email backlog, huh?

The story gets stranger this morning. After screwing up my courage and logging into my voicemail account, the electronic voice (think of a female version of Stephen Hawking and you’re just about there) says “You have…ninety…eight new messages.” What happened to the other two? Did the answerphone call them back? Did the cleaner, bored with her duties, decide to have a go? Do I have a voicemail guardian angel? Has some freak quirk in the system routed them somewhere else, leaving some poor sap in Venezuela to wonder what these people on his phone want? Or, more likely, have the two messages fallen forever into electronic limbo?

I mean, this system is surely the ultimate in design to combat workplace stress. Too many messages? Don’t worry kid, I’ll knock some off the top for ya. If this has been an accident on the system’s part then fine, I can live with that, but if this is a feature someone built in then they’re going to be a fucking millionaire before they’re 30, believe me.

I wrote this on my palmtop a few weeks back – thought it might be interesting to stick it up here and see what you think. Apologies for the longer than expected break: lots of stuff been happening, but I’m hoping to be able to get back into the swing of things a little more from now on.

Tonight, as we sat in a café, my fiancé described me as being being a “resolutely glass half empty” sort of guy. Though she smiled as she said it, I’ll be the first to admit that it rings true for me: I am very pessimistic by nature. Which is strange because I’m luckier than most when you stop to think about it (which I’m hoping you will!). My parents love one another, I grew up happy, went to university, wanted for nothing as I grew up, had the usual crushes/disasters/successes in relationships, got a job, met my fiancé…while I have had bad things happen to me in my life (bereavement, upset, disappointment etc), on reflection the good far outweighs the bad. Like I said earlier, when you think about all the bad things in the world I’ve been remarkably fortunate to see most of them miss me.

All of which begs the question: where, in all of this largely positive life, with more going for me than not, did such a resolutely pessimistic point of view come from? Or to put it another way, why has long experience of good led me always to expect the bad?

The dime store psychotherapist in me (holding his battered copy of Gleitman’s “Basic Psychology” in one hand and his hand-written diploma, with the ink still wet, in the other) thinks it might be an expectations thing: the more my life goes okay the more I expect the other shoe to drop and for things to start going badly. Which really is, like most considered cogitations from dime store psychotherapists, a whole load of the most terrible shite when you think about it.

Another way of looking at it would be as some sort of defence mechanism: by keeping my expectations of people and situations low, it makes it more difficult for me to be let down. Or, to put it simply, if I always expect the worst, I can never be disappointed because things will always go better than I think they will. Which is fine until you consider my life to date: I’m a hell of a lot more fortunate than most and haven’t had any horrible experiences to scar my psyche and lead it to develop a defence system. Another one for the “shite” column if you ask me.

My pessimism could also be a by-product of my personality. I’m a worrier – I find it very difficult to relax, I always worry about consequences and never live in the moment. Maybe that’s where my pessimism comes from: a personality that is always thinking, never relaxing and often over-analysing things to the smallest detail. Perhaps worrying and pessimism go hand in hand: worry only comes about when you’re aware of negative consequences and it helps introduce a note of warning to an otherwise blithely unaware point of view. If that’s the case then it’s possible my lifetime of worrying has skewed my viewpoint, resulting in a pessimistic outlook: the warning light is stuck on, and now I’m stuck in the habit of only seeing the bad side of anything and anyone.

If I had the time to type them and you the endless patience to read them, I dare say I could come up with a million and one possible reasons for why I am the way I am. None of which would help me to find the real reason or to help me be in any way less pessimistic than I already am. Maybe I just need to accept that for me the glass will always be half empty…or maybe I need to take the advice of the woman I love, which boils down to one word, one single thing she thinks I need to do to start to enjoy life more: relax.

Sounds simple enough. Execution might be a little tricky though.

Thanks for sticking with me, I really appreciate your patience. I know this place should be updated more often and I promise, I’m really going to try. Life just has a habit of getting in the way.

So much for my great new start to the year…I had great plans for the start of 2006. Get out more. Exercise. Update the boiled egg more often. Not resolutions exactly, but things I would like to put more emphasis on this year. All of which were sunk by a sudden cold which hit me the other day like a stealthy freight train. After a couple of nights of aches, pains, sweating, coughing and generally feeling lousy I’m almost back to normal, but I’m still taking it easy.

The interview with 2006 is coming, I’ve called her people and they’re fine with a delay so don’t worry, it’s still in the works. Until then I have an appointment with several lemsips, some cough medicine and plenty of vitamins.

Common cold? Bastard.

In a totally original move for this time of year I have decided to do something that no-one else will have thought of. That’s right, something that no blog, book, website, TV show, newspaper or commentator will have thought of. You saw it here first folks, the boiled egg is blazing the trail, showing the way, pointing to the future. I’m going to do a retrospective. That’s right, I’m going to have a look back at 2005 and have a bit of a think about how it went. How’s that for a slice of fried gold?

I know. Take a moment to let it all sink in. The sheer originality. The boldness of the concept. The complete unadulterated beauty of a startling idea naked in the light of day, shining brighter than the sun. A retrospective blog entry in early January. I’ll bet you never even saw it coming. You might want to go get a glass of water, you’re looking pretty shocked.

All better now? Excellent. So, without any further ado, let me welcome our first guest for this evening: the year 2005.

**audience applause**

2005, what a pleasure it is to have you here. Welcome to the Boiled Egg. I think you might be the first calendar year we’ve ever had as a guest here.

Thanks, it’s really great to be here, I appreciate the invite, I really do.

And I love the decor! Very “basic blogger template” meets “too lazy to redesign” with a dash of “spartan but spacious”, I like it a lot. Kudos on all the white.

Why thank you, and may I say that while you might not be the only gregorian calendar year, I certainly think you’re the most gregarious.

*laughs and waves a hand* Oh, you. *giggles*

So, down to the business of the evening. 2005, what did you do for me?

Well, I think I did alright by you. You got engaged after all, to a pretty damn wonderful woman! What do you think ladies and gentlemen? Let’s hear it! Wooo!

**audience applause**

And that was just one of the things. During me you started this blog, spurred on by the efforts of someone you know. After his encouragement and a little dipping of your toes in the wider blogging world, you were good to go.

I’m still not too sure anyone should thank you for that one, but please go on.

Oh, you just worry that this thing is going to serve as the best argument ever for you never putting fingers to keyboard again. Mind you that’s not for me to point out, it’s down to you and my replacement. Another thing you managed to do with me is start to put work in it’s proper perspective. During my first half stress was starting to make you really miserable, wasn’t it?

I have to admit it was. I didn’t enjoy anything, felt I couldn’t get away from my work, that I was at my desk even when I wasn’t, the works. Bad times for me, now I look back on it.

Exactly, but about midway through you started to make progress. You left more and more of it behind when you left at nights. Didn’t that make a difference?

It really did. I started to enjoy things more, I relaxed more, and I got to spend more time with my partner. The sheer quality of stuff just went up for me, and I think it even helped me at work too – these days I feel a lot more focussed when I’m there. There’s still work to be done on that one, but I’m making progress.

You sure are. You started to play poker, and spent more time with your friends. You saw your brothers more, and I know how they make you happy. You watched TV, you read–

Not as much as I would have liked to.

–No, but you did make more time for it. You started to carve out a little more time for fun stuff, and that was good to see.

*laughs* Believe me, it was pretty good on my side of things too.

I suppose the main things for me were that you got engaged, you started to write more and you stopped one aspect of your life eroding the others, but there was more. You cancelled your gym membership…oh don’t blush, I’m sure we’ve all been there honey and you’ll walk off those love handles soon enough!

Yes, thank you.

Bet it’s the first time you’ve felt good about gaining fifty pounds every month eh? *giggles* You also turned 27 on my watch, leaving your mid-twenties behind you. You’re now on course for 30! You saw some bad stuff with me too – jury duty let you see some of the ugliness that can hide within some frighteningly ordinary looking people, but it also showed you that there is decency in a whole lot of others.

More important than anything else, I think during my run you gained a sense of perspective you had started to lose. You used to be a creative person, I knew that when I got your file from 2004 when I took over. I’m happy to see you’re starting to get in touch with that side of yourself again, even just a little.

*pauses for a second* Err…And there was the new Doctor Who. I gotta get some credit for that happening on my shift, surely?.

Indeed you do, but it wasn’t all about me, now was it?

Well I wasn’t going to be the one to point that out! *laughs*

You saw some pretty nasty things happen during your time in the big chair.

**quiet for a moment**

Yes, I suppose that’s true too. There were disasters and loss of life, both natural and man-made. There was ugliness, there was horror, there was loss, there was stupidity and there was fear. Some of the mistakes and mis-steps were very old and some were new. But you have to understand that I also saw that there is goodness, decency and humanity everywhere. People who can’t afford much giving money to relief agencies or charities. Basic kindness to one another. Picking up something someone has dropped. Saying “after you”. Helping someone carry something. Taking part in debate and making democracy work. Keeping in touch with a friend. Reading other people’s blogs. Giving something, anything, to others instead of just taking. Enjoying and appreciating the people we live our lives with.

From the small to the large I saw acts of compassion and integrity. I saw people stand with one another against the cold and the dark. Believe me if you focus on the negative it’s all too easy to lose site of the positive, but it does exist.

Just a matter of perspective?

In a manner of speaking, yes. All I did was have the watch, but it was you people who did all the work. Anyway, *claps hands*, there will be enough about me written in other places, and it’ll probably be a whole lot more eloquent than anything I can manage so I think I might shut up here.

Was there anything you would like to have seen happen?

I probably wouldn’t have minded a few days off! *laughs* No, things worked out the way they worked out. I got to have a few laughs and hand over to the new kid, which is pretty much all I could have asked for. I’ve enjoyed this though, as you might imagine this is a busy time for me. At least you let me sit down for our chat!

Well, thank you for your time tonight. Any news on future plans?

Well, I think I might do a comeback special next year! *laughs* No, no real plans. A few books might mention me, a few TV shows, but that’s about it for me. I’m ready to have a rest. Of course if those eggheads are right and time starts to go backwards at one point we might meet again, but I think we can say au revoir for now.

2005, thank you for your time.

*gets up to leave* And thank you hon. Bye everyone!

**audience applause**

And thank you for your time too, you’ve been a great audience. Of course, I say that to all the audiences, but you’ll never meet ’em so what’s the harm? Tune back in tomorrow, when I will be talking to the new kid on the block, 2006, and be talking about what’s in store for the year to come. Same egg channel, possibly not the same egg time.

Until then, to one and all, this is FawnDoo, reporting for the boiled egg of infinity, signing off. Goodnight.

I’m always envious of people who can take good photos. There is an art – there really isn’t any other word for it – to looking at something and seeing that one detail that will set a picture apart from it’s fellows and make it something that amuses, surprises or shocks. I suppose it’s similar to someone being a writer: anyone can put words together, but it takes someone with talent to make that collection of words transcend the page and turn into something that touches people and speaks to their souls.

With that in mind, I’d like to recommend this guy’s flickr page to you – especially the “faces” section…they’re pretty damn cool, they surprised me, they made me laugh and made me look at things differently. What more do you want for free?

Go check out, before the new year madness hits. Hope you enjoy.

What is it about a season of goodwill that seems to bring out the exact opposite in people? From people in the streets breaking new grounds in sheer ignorance, to children so out of control they shouldn’t even be allowed out of doors, to people behind the wheel who think they’re on some kind of demolition derby or race, to people in the shops buying enough food to see them through a major natural disaster…for a time of year that seems to place so much emphasis on being nice to one another and taking the time to appreciate what we have in our lives, it seems to do a hell of a good job bringing out the ruthless arsehole in many people. MCF, Kelly, Wendy, all take heart: your experiences with the Christmas horde are not unique and you do not suffer alone!

Today I bought my last ever Christmas present, with such a look of relief on my face that I think the girl behind the till thought I was falling in love with her or something. Last night I endured the hell that is shopping at a mall open till midnight as I tried (and failed) to pick up a copy of Brideshead Revisited on DVD for my better half. Over the past few weeks I have seen the slowly reduced level of general manners, the incredibly fast rise of tempers and if nothing else it has really made me enjoy and appreciate quiet nights in.

That said, I am getting wound down now, am about to get into my second glass of wine, the tree is decorated and I have decided to have a go at the Christmas meme that’s doing the rounds, so here we go…

1. Hot Chocolate or apple cider?

I’d go for apple cider, because I always find hot chocolate to be a little bit sickly. Okay so too much cider also leaves you feeling sick but at least you get to go through the fun “I’m pissed” part first.

2. Turkey or Ham?

Oh, neither. I think that turkey is so over-rated as a Christmas meal – you see all these pictures of it and it always looks golden brown and that it would taste fantastic, but it never matches up. As for ham it just never appealed to me. Now a curry, there is a meal for Christmas!

3. Do you get a Fake or Real “you cut it yourself” christmas tree?

Fake all the way baby. Every year we have the same fight about how to build the base for the fucking thing, and every year I manage to snag at least one fingertip the same way. The tree itself is totally fake, I think about the closest it gets to nature is it’s annual offering of some of the blood from my nipping fingers.

4. Decorations on the outside of your house?

No, I really don’t like them to be honest. Some of the people around here have their places lit up bright enough to be seen from Pluto and to be honest I think it’s a bit tacky. One or two lights here and there can look excellent, but people who try to fit in enough lightbulbs to rival Disneyland just end up coming off as looking a bit rubbish.

5. Snowball fights or sleddin?

Snowballs! Snowballs! Reminds me of that old joke about the difference between a snowman and a snow-woman…

6. Do you enjoy going downtown shopping?

I enjoy a walk around the shops yeah, but not at Christmas. I’m no saint but I like to think I can be quite polite, and seeing people trample one another and not even apologise pushes all the wrong buttons for me.

7. Favorite Christmas song?

Hmmm…well I would like to go for Slade’s “Merry Christmas” for some cheesy 1970s rock. The minute I hear that song I’m suddenly 6 again, all excited at the prospect of Santa coming down the chimney.

8. How do you feel about Christmas movies?

Can do without them to be honest, they tend to be overly sugary for my tastes. Except for “It’s a Wonderful Life” of course, that’s a masterpiece second only to “Transformers: The Movie” in my eyes.

9. When is it too early to start listening to Christmas music?

Any time before December 13th. If by tradition it’s too early to put up the tree then it’s too damn soon to play music. Even Slade.

10. Stockings before or after presents?

We don’t do stockings, but I tend to do little “extra” presents before the main stuff I’ve gotten for people.

11. Carolers, do you or do you not watch and listen to them?

Oh, I would watch and listen. In fact I did so a few days ago in Glasgow and it was all great stuff.

12. Go to someone elses house or they come to you?

This being my first year as an engaged man, we are going together to my family’s house, and then over to my fiance’s family a few days later. Next year we switch it about. I don’t mind travelling on Christmas day.

13. Do you read the Christmas Story? If so when?

I don’t really read the Christmas story I’m afraid. Closest I come is watching Monty Python’s “Life of Brian” on Christmas eve every now and again.

14. What do you do after presents and dinner?

I tend to find a quiet spot, get a drink, and read. I love Christmas: I love the presents, I love the kids getting excited, I love everything about it no matter how curmudgeonly I might sound, but it can get on top of me and I need a quiet hour or so just to recharge the old batteries. Of course this year I think that after presents and dinner I might be curled up on the couch watching the Doctor Who special.

15. What is your favorite holiday smell?

Hmmmm…..fresh, cold, winter air. My fiance’s hair. My nana’s soup. A nice glass of wine. Cinnamon.

16. Ice skating or walking around the mall?

The last time I went ice skating I fell on the ice with enough force that my knee was hurt and two men had to carry me to the first aid room, so I think I would go with the walk around the mall, even if it means I have to go shoulder to shoulder with all the ignorant bastards of the world.

17. Do you open a present or presents on Christmas Eve, or wait until Christmas day?

I’m INCREDIBLY tempted to open them on Christmas eve but I like to wait till Christmas morning.

18. Favorite Christmas memory?

All of my childhood ones were fantastic and I’ll be forever grateful to my parents for working so hard, sacrificing so much and giving me such memories, but I’m hoping that tomorrow morning will be my favourite Christmas memory. The first year I wake up in the morning with the woman I’m going to marry. The woman that I’ll be married to by this time next year. If you think I’m starting to sound a bit repetitive I’m sorry, but believe me as we approach the wedding someone’s going to have to sedate me if they want me to shut up about it.

19. Favorite Part about winter?

The cold. I love the cold and I can’t stand being too warm. My mum tells me that when I was born there was deep snow outside and the heating in the labour room broke down, so maybe that has something to do with it, but I have always loved being slightly more cold than I have being warm.

20. Ever been kissed under mistletoe?

Nope. Never been kissed under the mistletoe, touched besides the trifles or even goosed by the turkey.

21. Tagged…

Santa. Come on big man, if you’re reading this, let’s hear what you have to say.

Merry Christmas one and all – have a safe and happy time of it no matter what you end up doing.

I was shocked tonight when I read that John Spencer, the actor who played White House chief of staff Leo McGarry on The West Wing, died today aged 58. My better half and I have spent the last couple of months working through seasons 1 to 4 of the West Wing on DVD, and a great part of the appeal of the show for both of us is the character of Leo and how he interacts with the President and the other staff.

In a strange twist of fate he died of a heart attack: the same ailment that almost killed his character at the start of the sixth season and prompted his resignation as chief of staff. At the time the sixth season episodes started to appear over here my grandmother had just died of a heart attack/cardiac condition and I found that I just couldn’t watch the episode where “it” happened to Leo: the real life events were just too recent and raw for me to comfortably watch anything like them dramatised on TV. Even a year later when I finally picked up the sixth season on DVD it shook me to look at the heart attack scene and his recovery in the subsequent episodes.

Anyway, whether you agree or disagree with the politics of the show, I think it’s safe to say that someone with a great talent is gone…and I think that it can be agreed that no matter what way you cut it, that’s just a bad thing because if there’s one thing that we always need, it’s talented people.